Bayonetta and The Kirby Crew
by AsianAnimator
Summary: Bayonetta has some fun with our favourite pink sphere, masked warrior, and hammer-wielding penguin! This is the home of platonic KirBayo, so brace yourselves for a soft and motherly Bayonetta. Rated T for mild violence and occasional swearing. And of course, for a fic with Bayo in it, you can't really rate it lesser than that. [DROPPED] [DON'T READ THIS LOL]
1. Chapter 1: The King of Dreamland

_Chapter 1: The King of Dreamland_

Bayonetta sauntered out of the Smash Mansion. It was one of those lazy days where no tournaments were taking place, everyone was engrossed in their own tasks, and Bayonetta couldn't find her favourite pink sphere. She couldn't find him in the kitchen, for once. She barely saw Kirby without food in his hands, or uh, his tumour-limbs.

The Smash universe was... interesting, to say the least. Bayonetta still found it difficult to grasp the concept of characters from various universes, all brought together by a pair of giant, floating, gloved hands, just to battle. Everyone was so different from each other that it made some of the match-ups really amusing. You could witness a dog-riding duck completely destroying an anthropomorphic fox, or an electric mouse obliterating a goddess. Or in Bayonetta's case, she could fire her guns at little children. Wonderful.

At first, it seemed like a messed up idea, since the hands were essentially taking them from their home world and watching them battle each other, but the tournaments held around here were such a unique experience that you could barely call it torture. The hands did provide adequate sleeping quarters and proper meals for all fighters, so you couldn't really complain.

The Umbra Witch wasn't familiar with the terrain outside of the Mansion. Heck, that place was already large enough. There wasn't any point in navigating since she had no idea where Kirby was, so she simply let her shapely legs take control. The trees spread evenly around the area soon became unnaturally straight and polished, like plastic, but still had a woody texture to them. It was like walking in a children's cartoon. Oversized apples hung from the branches, a bright contrast against the green leaves. " _The little one would definitely enjoy those_ ," Bayonetta thought fondly as she gazed at the bright red fruits.

"Ho ho, would you like some, Bayonetta?" a voice rumbled from one of the trees, its branches and leaves quivering slightly as it talked.

She turned around to face the tree addressing her, not without surprise, though. After all, it wasn't every day you'd meet a talking tower of wood and leaves. Playing it cool like she always does, she answered, "Well, I've had my breakfast. Though, I do know a certain puffball who'd be absolutely delighted to get his hands on them."

"Ah yes, Kirby. Always eating... It's a wonder how he's still a lightweight."

"Who knows? His stomach could be a whole other universe." The tree chuckled at that, and Bayonetta thought that she detected a slight tinge of knowing in his mirth. "Speaking of the puffball, have you seen him anywhere?"

"Yes, he's training with Meta Knight deeper in the forest," the tree told her, shifting its face to point in the direction of the Smashers, its pointed nose akin to an arrow.

"Training on a day like this?" Bayonetta tut-tutted. "Well, I suppose he does need to practice more often if he's always going to be in the kitchen. Thank you, talking tree. I'll be off to pay them a little visit."

"You're welcome, Bayonetta," the tree replied. It shook one of its branches, rustling its leaves as it quivered, making a bright red apple plunge down onto the ground. "Here, a little gift for Kirby."

"I'm sure the puffball will be thrilled," Bayonetta purred, picking the apple up by its stem. She cast a simple spell on it, causing the fruit to hover beside her and faintly radiate a purple aura.

I mean... C'mon now. You can't expect a lady like Bayonetta to simply _carry_ a mere apple, would you?

"Have a great day, Bayonetta," the tree rumbled.

The witch glanced at the floating apple and replied, "I will."

With her usual swagger, the Umbra Witch strolled into the deeper parts of the forest. Despite being called 'the deeper parts of the forest', it was still fairly bright and shafts of sunlight could be seen filtering down from the gaps in the leaves above.

Soon, Bayonetta heard _the_ sounds. Sounds that she had become so familiar with despite the rather short time she arrived in the Smash Universe.

" _The sounds of smashing- I mean... '_ battle'," the witch thought cheekily.

She came across a fairly spacious clearing with a large portion of land uprooted from the ground. The racket didn't subside, though, so she assumed she was heading the right way. Suddenly, she heard the most satisfying sound yet. A meteor smash.

Something similar to a blue orb plummeted down to the ground, smashing into the ground and creating another small crater beside the large crater. Upon closer inspection, Bayonetta realised that the orb was a dazed masked warrior, his glowing eyes yellow swirls.

Meta Knight groaned, then his eyes widened and flashed white as a pink rock came crashing down right above him. A hair's breadth away from crushing every non-existent bone in his body, the rock reverted into a much more familiar and puffy shape.

"And... Game! That was quite the risky move, Kirby!" boomed a new voice with a heavy Southern accent, seemingly emanating from above.

Meta Knight clutched his mask and shook his head briefly, his eyes turning from white to yellow again. Once Kirby shrunk to his regular height, he bounced around in glee, making adorable noises while celebrating his victory, completely oblivious to the fact that he nearly turned Meta Knight into a blue pancake.

Bayonetta watched curiously as a blue penguin clad in a red robe descended on a warp star next to the puffball. No, not a bathrobe, but a majestic red robe; the ones that were worn by stereotypical medieval kings. As he landed on the ground, the star exploded into countless smaller ones, and eventually disappeared into thin air. He was carrying a hammer almost as large as himself, with ease at that. Bayonetta hadn't encountered this Smasher before, but she had fought angels with much more dastardly hammers than that, so she was rather unconcerned. But still, a chubby, goofy-looking penguin handling a hammer did pique her interest.

"Hey Whispy! You can come down now!" the penguin called out towards a large chunk of ground steadily floating in the air. It was large enough to be a stage, so Bayonetta guessed that that was the place where the puffballs battled.

The stage descended gradually and fixed itself into the crater in the clearing. A tree larger than all of the others in the woods was on the stage, accompanied by two smaller inanimate trees. Unlike the other trees which bore apples, this one bore different coloured stars instead. Patches of flowers, along with a few bushes and even a pond could be found on the stage. It was certainly fitting for Kirby.

"Dedede... Where are the healing items?" Meta Knight asked as he got up, slightly smoking from the battle. Kirby snapped to attention upon hearing those two words. Healing items, he knew, was just a code name for food.

"Heh, right over..." Dedede pointed a gloved hand close to an area where Bayonetta was watching, her arms crossed and leaning against a tree, her usual smile plastered on her face, "...there?"

Kirby immediately recognized the figure in the woods. "Bayo, Bayo!" the puffball exclaimed cheerfully, hopping towards the witch in excitement.

"Bayo?" Dedede asked and glanced at Meta Knight. Strangely enough, the self-proclaimed king seemed uneasy.

Meta Knight willingly explained, "That's Bayonetta, an Umbra Witch, and the latest Smasher. An extremely skilled one, too."

"A witch? With _guns_?" he gulped. "They're on her heels, too! Is she insa-"

The still smoking Meta Knight coughed.

"Oh, uh, right... The healing items," Dedede mumbled, took one last glance at Bayonetta and waddled towards a sack hidden in the trees.

Meta Knight's eyes glowed pink in amusement when he walked towards Bayonetta, who was taunting Kirby with the apple that the tree gave her, lifting it slightly out of reach from the little one as he jumped and clawed at the fruit.

"What's with the penguin?" she inquired, lowering her arm to finally let Kirby have his prize, which he eagerly inhaled.

"Oh, Dedede? I'm not certain. He isn't usually like this," Meta Knight paused and glanced at the self-proclaimed king, who was hauling the bag of treats towards them. "Do you need help, your majesty?"

"Huh? No, no, I got this," Dedede blundered. "Wait, when do you ever call me 'your majesty'?"

"The masked one figured that you needed some moral support to speed things up," Bayonetta quipped.

"Oh, uh, sorry 'bout that," the penguin spluttered and tossed the sack into the air, giving it a mighty whack with his mighty hammer. As it flew towards Bayonetta and the two puffballs, Kirby's eyes sparkled and he opened his mouth in silent excitement. He took a running start, but before he could inhale the treats, Bayonetta grabbed him from behind and lifted him from the ground. The puffball let out feeble squeaks of protest, squirming around in her grasp.

"Go on, masked one. I can't contain this puffball for long," she stated calmly, stroking the over-sized marshmallow in her arms.

The marshmallow practically melted in her touch. Unfortunately for Bayonetta, she didn't have any crackers for s'mores. Kirby exhaled an adorable sigh of content; or was it a yawn? Meta Knight's eyes glowed pink for the second time, before he opened the bag to fish around for the items he needed. Meanwhile, Bayonetta watched fondly as Kirby's eyes drooped, and eventually fell asleep in her arms.

"It seems as if you could contain him, after all," Meta Knight murmured with a slight chuckle.

"The puffball's just tired from that match you had with him. It's only natural that he'd fall asleep," Bayonetta cooed. "So, where is 'your majesty'? I'd like to meet him," she added with a smirk.

Meta Knight looked around and managed to catch a glimpse of Dedede behind Whispy Woods, who instantly ducked out of view. Bayonetta, too, noticed the penguin. She laid Kirby gently against one of the trees, careful not to wake him up, and sauntered over to Dedede's hiding spot. Her heels didn't make any sound as she sneaked beside him, who was a trembling bag of nerves at this point. Bayonetta leaned against the tree and simply said, "Hey."

Dedede let out an ear-splitting shriek, swinging his hammer at his startler.

Bayonetta was caught by surprise, but she managed to trigger bat within just in time. The bats reformed, and the witch landed elegantly on her feet.

"Now, now, is that the way to treat a lady? Don't tell me I've got another angel to deal with. That one's already very jumpy whenever I'm around."

"I... You- I mean... Uh..." Dedede stammered. Wanting to avoid eye contact at all costs, he glanced around frantically, pushing himself against Whispy to stop himself from trembling. He eyed her pistols in terror. One shot from either one of them could easily delete him from existence, he realised with a pang.

Much to his horror, Bayonetta equipped one of her handguns with a quick gun-flip and pressed the blue pistol against the underside of his beak. Dedede gulped.

"Come now, you can't let my little toys frighten you that much," she teased.

 _"Toys?!"_ Dedede wanted to screech, but dark blue eyes met grey, and the next thing he knew was that he was being enchanted by Bayonetta's gaze; friendly and alluring despite the gun still against his beak. He couldn't deny it; the raven-haired woman was dangerous. Dangerously beautiful. It was probably her witch powers or some other sorcery, but Dedede didn't care. After all, he had already made a fool out of himself.

Finally, Bayonetta lowered her pistol, making Dedede shudder and sink down to the ground. Technically, he was sitting, but the witch was still a head taller than him. He eyed her suspiciously.

"Did you really have to do that?" the penguin huffed and clutched his head.

"I can't help it, dear," she replied with a grin, "I'll take any opportunity to get a rise out of people."

Dedede let out an exasperated sigh as a response.

"Well, no point sulking about it now," the witch quipped, outstretching a hand. "It's almost lunch, and I doubt you'd want to be late for that."

Dedede looked up, albeit with a little bit of uncertainty, but a single glance at her eyes told him that he had nothing to worry about. He didn't need additional support to stand up, but he took Bayonetta's hand anyway as a gesture of acquaintance.

"Let's take it from the top, shall we? So, penguin, who are you, really?"

"If you really need to know..." Dedede took a deep breath and puffed out his chest, "The name's King Dedede, the one and only King of Dreamland!"

From the top of Whispy Woods, Meta Knight watched the scene unfold silently, his eyes glowing pink in amusement. With a swish of his cloak, he vanished out of sight.

* * *

 **I don't ship Dedenetta.**

 _ **...Or do I?**_

 **You'll never know... _(loL IM JoKInG)_**

 _ **Author Notes,**_

 **-** Yeah, I know Kirby's regular down B (Stone attack) doesn't meteor. They were having a custom move battle. Filthy casuals...

-The Dreamland stage wasn't too high in the sky because MK and Kirby weren't having an official tournament. This is also why King Dedede is the announcer for this battle instead of whoever the usual announcer is. **_Edit_ :** The Sm4sh announcer is Xander Mobus, you uneducated swine.

-In this world, King Dedede is an admin of sorts that has access to stages and items. The other admins being Mario, Samus, R.O.B., Fox, Falco, Robin, Shulk and Mewtwo. I don't know (yet) how this will have any relevance in the future, but here ya go.

-I don't want Bayonetta to be an antagonist, as I've read plenty of Smash Bros fics which depict her as the "bad guy", along with the Kid Icarus cast tied closely with her story. You probably won't see much of the goddess, angel and his edgy twin in this fanfic, so if you're unhappy with that...

 _Deal with it._

-The Kirby Crew's personality mostly originates from "Kirby: Right Back At Ya!". Purely because I want King Dedede to have that brilliant Southern accent, but he won't be as douche-y as he was in the cartoon, and Meta Knight also won't be as edgy and brooding as he was in the Smash universe. He'll still be Meta Knight, but his mysteriousness will be toned down a little. **_Edit_ :** It's toned down **a lot.**


	2. Chapter 2: Lollipops

"KERBEH! GET BACK HERE YOU LIL' RASCAL!" Dedede's voice exploded from around the corner, followed by a rather distressed Kirby dashing down the hallway.

The puffball looked bigger than usual and had his mouth closed tightly while his arms waved madly in the air. Actually, his arms waved madly atop his head. A furious-looking Dedede appeared from around the corner, slammed the head of his hammer onto the floor and used that as an anchor to make the sharp turn. He swung around with ease and used the momentum to catch up to the sphere. Kirby shut his eyes and sped up as the King of Dreamland tried to clobber him into the floorboards. The floors of the mansion trembled with each strike of the king's mighty hammer.

Jigglypuff was unlucky enough to be caught up in this madness. The poor puff just needed to traverse from the main hall to her dorm. Dedede thought he had finally acquired his target when he landed a blow on a pink sphere and smacked her against the wall.

"Ha ha! I've gotcha now, Kirby!"

Jigglypuff was stuck to the wall face-first momentarily, then slid down into a miserable pile of pink. He picked up the dazed puff from her foot and she dangled helplessly in Dedede's grasp.

"Wait a minute, you ain't Kirby!" the King bellowed, dropped the poor Pokemon back on the floor and continued his pursuit around the mansion, "I'll get that pesky scoundrel this time!"

* * *

"Well, I have been banned from tournaments in a few circles... I had freedom during the ban, yes, but those tournaments had consumed most of my life. Fighting here has made me feel... _alive_. I simply felt empty without the battles. Returning to my home-world did not appeal to me at all. Kirby and Dedede stayed in the Smash Universe. Though I still do wonder what the Halberd Crew are up to..." Meta Knight glanced at Bayonetta, who was listening intently. Bayonetta noticed that his eyes flickered between grey and yellow throughout their conversation, indicating his sadness. "Forgive me if I have strayed from the topic. What I am saying is, the nerf was not the worst thing that could have happened. No matter how harsh it was."

Bayonetta huffed. "I suppose you're right, masked one," They both continued walking, Meta Knight had his cloaked wrapped around him and Bayonetta had her arms folded. "Speaking of home worlds, is there any way to communicate with our friends back home?"

Meta Knight's eyes glowed green in deep thought, "Now that I think about it... Master Hand did not tell us anything about conversing with our acquaintances in separate worlds."

"Oh..." Bayonetta murmured, her eyes downcast. It had already been a few months since she had arrived in the Smash Universe, so homesickness was sure to kick in sooner or later.

"It must be hard entering the Smash Universe on your own. Believe it or not, Kirby was one of the first ever Smashers, making him the veteran out of all of us. When Dedede and I arrived, he was overjoyed. Heh, he even teared up. After all, Kirby is still a child in our species' standards. The homesickness affected him greatly." Meta Knight's eyes glowed magenta in affection for the puffball.

Talking about the puffball did make Bayonetta feel better, so she decided to continue the conversation. "I've noticed that you're pretty close to the little one."

"I could say the same for you, Bayonetta. Our body shapes may be similar, but I am not Kirby's father. Just his mentor. Which reminds me, you can summon demons, right? It is surprising that Kirby is not at all suspicious of you."

"Hm? How so?"

"Kirby and I are Star Warriors. Back in our home-world, it was our duty to protect the galaxy from harm, which mostly came from demons, monsters and the occasional sentient robots."

"Ah, so you both play the _oh so_ clich _e_ d role of heroes?" Bayonetta gave Meta Knight her signature smirk.

"Well, yes. That is one way to put it."

Suddenly, the duo heard rapid squish noises equivalent to footsteps. Then, a certain puffball rushed towards them. Pink and blue collided painfully. More specifically, _metal and plush_ collided painfully. Bayonetta's eyes flashed in amusement.

"What happened to your evading skills? Don't tell me you got nerfed as well," she jested.

"Oof..." was the only reply Meta Knight could muster.

A black and blue wolf-like Pokemon soon appeared from around the corner, followed by an angry penguin.

"...Dedede, I swear you're gonna have to pay me back for this..." Lucario's weary voice rumbled as Dedede dashed forward to grab Kirby. Unfortunately for him, Bayonetta stepped in his way. That didn't stop him from giving Kirby an earful, though.

"What did I tell ya about takin' my food? What is this? The 8th, 9th time? You've done it so much that I've lost count!" Dedede scolded.

The puffball didn't seem bothered at all by Dedede's lecture. Heck, Bayonetta doubted that he even heard what the penguin said. Instead, he spat out the treasure trove contained in his mouth, his eyes gleaming excitedly. Lollipops of various colors and shapes scattered throughout the floor. He grabbed a red one and offered it to the Umbra Witch, eyes still sparkling and mouth agape in glee. His gesture caught Bayonetta by surprise.

"Aw, you're too much, little one," she cooed fondly and picked up the puffball, who went ahead and fed the sweet to the witch, the sparkle in his eyes never faltering. "I assume you want a reward from me," Bayonetta cooed as she cradled the little one with one arm and caressed his head. Kirby gladly sank into her touch with a contented purr.

Meta Knight and Dedede's hearts quite possibly melted at that point, but Lucario thought otherwise.

"...Did you just eat a lollipop that was _spat out_ by a pink marshmallow? He was running a lot with them in his mouth too!" Lucario exclaimed with a look of disgust on his face.

"Don't be silly, wolf-"

" _The name's Lucar-_ "

"Well then, Luka. First of all, the little one didn't _spit_ the sweets out. If he did, there'd be some sort of fluid on the floor," Bayonetta answered with a voice sweeter than honey. "Though, in _my_ opinion, those fluids would have actually _enhanced_ the flavor," she deliberately made her voice sultry to tease the Pokemon.

Lucario's eyes widened and he felt blood rushing to his face. He was clearly taken aback with what the witch had said.

"Wh-What's wrong with you! Nevermind, forget I asked..." Bayonetta smirked at his reaction.

"Urf... You owe me big time, Dedede," Lucario muttered while scratching the back of his ears.

"Now what did I do?"

"Are you serious? You used me as a _hound_ to track down Kirby! _A hound!_ Do you have any idea how demoralizing that was? What's worse, you grabbed me and wouldn't let me go until you got what you wanted!" Lucario lashed out.

All eyes trained on Dedede.

"Heheh, I s'pose I did..." he chuckled and grinned with his eyes closed.

"Not funny, Dedede..." Lucario growled, "either you pay me back, or I'll completely destroy you in a battle for everyone to see!"

"Well, sorry to say, bud. That ain't gonna be much of an achievement for ya. I'm at the bottom of the ol' tier list,"

"Gee, you're proud of that, aren't you?" the Pokemon snarled.

As he turned around to leave, he caught sight of the stare Bayonetta was giving him. It wasn't a death stare, nor a "you'll regret that later" stare. It was a teasing stare which, if accompanied by a seductive lick of the lips, would temporarily immobilize you. She was looking at him with an eyebrow arched, an elbow propped up against the wall, holding a clean lollipop stick and of course, a Kirby nestled safely in the crook of her arm. He shouldn't have looked for that long, because the next thing he knew was that his feet were rooted to the ground.

Lucario gasped once he regained his composure and almost lost his balance. The crew watched Lucario leave rather hurriedly, stumbling upon his own feet.

"Well, that was certainly something." Meta Knight proclaimed after a moment's silence.

The King of Dreamland snatched a handful of the scattered lollipops and hid them in his coat. When Kirby realized what the king was doing, he wriggled out of Bayonetta's grasp and seized the remaining ones on the floor.

"Darn it, Kirby..." Dedede's voice faltered when Kirby went ahead and offered the witch _all_ of the treats. That gleam in his eyes never seemed to waver. He didn't even take one for himself, which was quite a big deal considering how much he loved to eat.

"Now, this puffball knows exactly how to treat a lady. Come here, sweetheart," Bayonetta couldn't hide her amusement from her voice. She just _couldn't_ , not when Kirby was being as adorable as this. Bayonetta picked up the pink marshmallow and cuddled him tightly. She grabbed a lollipop from his hoard and popped it into the puffball's mouth. "You deserve it, little one," the witch whispered and the pink sphere giggled the sweetest giggle in response. Bayonetta couldn't contain herself any longer. She let out a sound of half-laughter and half-frustration at how endearing the little puffball was and almost squished him in her embrace.

"...I swear I'm gettin' soft," Dedede mumbled.

Meta Knight took a playful jab at Dedede's belly, "You were always soft, my friend."

"...You've been spending too much time with Dr. Mario, haven't you?"

Meta Knight did something equivalent to a shrug, though a smile lay quite comfortably beneath that mask of his.

* * *

 **I do not ship BayoCario.**

 **In fact, there'll be no ships at all in this fic.**

 **Let's get that clear.**

 **Author notes I guess**

-I feel like Bayonetta would try to tease anyone she meets for their reactions, considering how playful and cheeky she is. **Please don't mistake this as shipping.** It's kinda pissing me off. Can't a character have fun without nerds jumping all over and yelling about ships?

-I always wanted to write about how Bayo reacted to the nerf, so that's how the conversation between MK and Bayo started. Who would've thought that the salt queen would be salty?

-Inserted a lil' Bayo 1 reference in there. Probably very obvious to fans of the franchise.

-Dr Mario is the specialist in puns and jokes in this story, because no story is complete without puns and jokes, _riiight_? This was inspired by several Smash Bros comics on Tumblr.

-I'm gradually adding more characters to the list, though the Fire Emblem characters most probably won't make it. Sorry to disappoint, but I have no interest in any of them. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

- _"If there are no lollipops in a fanfiction with Bayonetta, it is not Bayonetta enough."_

 _-Some drunk_ _Asian_

-Kirby and Bayonetta being able to interact like this is probably the best thing that has ever happened in the Smash franchise. I want the two to have a mother and child relationship, like Bayonetta and Cereza in the first Bayonetta game.

 _For this, I thank you so much, Daddy Sakurai._


	3. Chapter 3: Late Halloween Special

Happy Halloween, fellow readers!

Huh? Halloween was more than a week ago, you say?

I haven't updated this in a month, you say?

Well... **Better late than never** , baby!

* * *

Bayonetta placed a rather stereotypical black police cap with a moon emblem on her head and posed in front of the mirror. She wore a black leather police outfit with short sleeves and a matching short leather skirt. Her hands were fitted with black gloves of the same material. Her regular heels were replaced with boots that almost came up to her knees, her guns still attached to them, of course. She wanted to stand out during the Halloween party, well, more than she already did, anyway.

As Bayonetta sauntered out of her room, she was surprised to find Kirby right outside her door. The puffball wore a crooked dark purple witch hat and was holding a broom the perfect size for him. He bounced up and down excitedly when she appeared.

"A witch? You look awfully boring, though," she tut-tutted, but reconsidered when she realised the limited fashion choices a small pink sphere would have. Kirby didn't even have limbs! His so-called arms were just stubs, and his feet were half-ovals glued to the bottom of his body. Then again, Meta Knight looked pretty fetching in that set of armour of his... Bayonetta paced around Kirby, trying to figure out how to improve the puffball's costume.

"Poyo?" Kirby asked while eyeing the Umbra Witch.

Bayonetta snapped her gloved fingers (Don't ask) and recalled Kirby's trademarked ability, "The masked warrior said you could inhale your opponents to obtain their powers. Isn't that right, little one?"

Kirby nodded slowly.

"Alright, then. Copy me." Bayonetta commanded simply.

Kirby gave her a look that screamed, "But you're not my opponent!"

"It can't be _that_ bad, little one. Besides, I'm not letting you go to the party like that." she insisted.

After a few moments of judgement, Kirby conceded and inhaled the Umbra Witch, copied her ability and promptly let her out as a star. Bayonetta skidded on the ground but landed with elegance on her feet as butterflies briefly appeared before fading out into the air.

"Woah, there really is a universe in your stomach... I'm not sure if those specks in the sky were stars or food." Bayonetta breathed in awe.

Kirby smirked, proud of himself. That cocky expression, combined with short raven hair, glasses and even a beauty mark, reminded Bayonetta of... Bayonetta. Shocking, I know.

"Whenever I think you couldn't ever be more charming, you prove me wrong," the Umbra Witch remarked warmly while ruffling the puffball's newfound hair, making him purr in delight. She placed the witch hat back onto his head, which had fallen off when he copied her ability. Bayonetta's gaze fell onto the broom laying on the floor.

"Witches in your little tales have flying brooms, don't they?" Bayonetta cast a simple spell on the broom, which caused it to float steadily in the air.

Kirby's eyes sparkled and he jumped onto the broomstick. To him, it was just like riding a warp star. Bayonetta watched fondly as the puffball zipped around on his newfound ride, delight evident on his face.

"I suppose we'd better get going, little one. We wouldn't want to be late for the party," Bayonetta declared.

Kirby let out a "poyo" of agreement and followed the Umbra Witch to the atrium.

* * *

The duo soon heard muffled music coming from the jamboree in the main hall. Orange and black streamers adorned the walls and the candlelight in the jack-o-lanterns flickered unsteadily. As they approached the entrance, a black and red harlequin jumped in front of the main doors and blocked the two from entering.

"Uh... Hi, Bayonetta! And... Kirby, too," the harlequin greeted them nervously. From her voice, Bayonetta guessed that she was Peach. Her make-up, combined with the costume, disguised the mushroom princess fairly well.

"Now, now, Princess. I'm sure the little puffball deserves a better greeting than this."

"Well, you see... Kirby isn't actually allowed into the party because he'll eat all the food, just like last year, and the one before that... Not to mention the equipment he damaged after he inhales everything..."

Bayonetta had a feeling that Kirby was going to make the most endearing face yet, so she hastily shoved the broom, along with the puffball, right in front of the harlequin.

"Tell me, Princess, how are you ever going to say no to _this_ little monstrosity?" Bayonetta challenged. If she ever had to explain what the word 'heartbreaking' meant, she would have simply hurled the puffball at the asker as an explanation.

Peach looked completely nonplussed for a moment. Then she glanced at Bayonetta, who had equipped one of her handguns and was aiming the pistol at her head. She gulped, and eventually gave in to the little one's charm (and the gun). To be honest, who wouldn't? She moved out of their way with a sigh. Bayonetta flashed her signature smirk at her while Kirby gave the defeated princess a cheeky wink before following the Umbra Witch into the hall.

Amongst the ruckus, the first thing the duo noticed was a neon green frog being pestered by Lucas and Ness. It was impossible to miss, really. He stuck out like a sore thumb in the dark colour scheme of the party. The witches glanced at each other and approached the commotion.

Lucas and Ness both sported viking costumes, complete with braided beards, horned helmets, surprisingly accurate battle armour and double-headed axes. The frog they crowded around looked like Greninja, but without that horror of a tongue wrapped around his neck.

"I thought the frog wore his tongue as a scarf because he _couldn't_ fit the thing in his mouth," Bayonetta commented and smirked at her innuendo.

"Huh? Oh, hey officer!" Lucas saluted the policewoman and explained the situation the Pokemon was in. "Greninja lost a bet with Dr. Mario, so he had to wear anything the Doc' wanted him to wear for Halloween. Then he splattered him with green paint, when he withdrew his tongue, of course. I heard paint tastes terrible, even after it's dry," he giggled.

Ness piped up, "Are you gonna arrest the Doc', Miss Bayo? He vandalised Greninja! Look at the poor guy! He looks naked without his tongue scarf."

The viking duo snickered and high-fived each other. Greninja let out a sound of amusement and Bayonetta rolled her eyes good-heartedly. Children were immature, yes, but their carefree spirits were certainly very entertaining.

Just then, a multicoloured jester walked up to them. He was holding a unicycle under his arm.

"Hey! It's _Green_ inja!" the jester snickered. Only then did Bayonetta notice the head mirror he wore over his jester hat.

"Ayyy!" the viking duo shaped their hands into guns and pointed them at the jester. The green Pokemon let out another sound, but this time, it was a sound of exasperation.

Kirby wouldn't allow himself to be left out of the fun, so he withdrew the blue pistols and aimed them at the clone. "Ayy!" He mimicked cheerfully.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who gave this madman a pair of _guns_?" Dr. Mario cried out and threw his arms in the air, dropping the unicycle as a result. His sudden movement made the bells on his hat jingle noisily.

"Go ahead and pull the trigger, little one. This joker deserves it after making that pun," Bayonetta smirked.

"Kirby, no!" Ness laughed and dragged the broomstick down, along with the puffball. The sphere tumbled down with an 'oof' and the two vikings held the little witch captive.

"I have my own bodyguards, and they're working for free! Not bad, huh?" The jester remarked brazenly. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Greeninja!" He called out.

The doctor tossed the unicycle to the green frog, who blinked at it in confusion.

"It's your costume. You'll have to use it for the whole day," the Mario clone grinned.

The Pokemon let out a grumble which seemed to say, "As if dousing me in paint wasn't enough..."

He stood the one-wheeler up and hopped onto the seat. He wobbled for a bit before gaining his balance and tried cycling in a cycle. I mean, _a circle_.

Laughter erupted from the children as they blurted out, "Here come dat boi!" and chased the living meme around the hall. Kirby let out an excited squeal and followed the children on his broomstick, streaking past a dark version of Meta Knight. His mask was heavily scarred, with the most striking scratch gouged deep vertically across the left side. His wings were ragged and his sabatons were red instead of the regular purple.

"Kirby seems to be enjoying the party," the warrior said while passing Bayonetta a cup of fruit punch.

"What a gentleman," she smirked before taking a sip of the beverage.

Dr. Mario slipped beside Meta Knight and pestered him for a drink. "What about one for an ol' pal, hmm?"

" _Lo siento, mi amigo_. I am afraid Wario has raided the drink supply. You might want to catch him before he gets away."

"Ah, dang it. You know what, nevermind the drink. So, what's going on between the two of you, huh?" Dr. Mario raised a sly eyebrow and rested his elbow on the masked one, capitalising on their height difference.

"Get off me, fool." He shoved the jester aside in annoyance and smacked him in the face with his wing for good measure. "Our companionship is purely platonic."

"What he said," Bayonetta agreed simply.

"Hahaha! I know. I was _jesting_." Dr. Mario winked and extended an arm, prompting the masked warrior to give him a fist bump.

Meta Knight chuckled and returned the gesture.

"My face still hurts though..."

"Well, I'll let you two goofs fool around. I'll be on... my... way..." Bayonetta paused and frowned when the two Smashers snickered, "...I did it too, didn't I?"

Meta Knight simply nodded. "Inside joke."

"Ah. Nevermind then. Has anyone seen the penguin?"

"Oh, Dedede is the host for tonight. He should be backstage," Meta Knight replied.

"Everyone seems to be here, so it should be starting pretty soon," Dr. Mario added.

As if on cue, the lights dimmed out, leaving only the jack-o-lanterns illuminating the hall. Several enthusiastic whoops of anticipation and applause were heard from the Smashers. However, Meta Knight's eyes were glowing a pale green.

"Wait... Something seems off..." he placed a hand on the hilt of his sword, Galaxia.

The curtains slowly parted, unveiling something hanging from a rope. The spotlights switched on and focused on the limp shape. The air of excitement completely vanished, leaving in its wake gasps and screams of shock. The King of Dreamland dangled upside-down helplessly from the rope, his eyes closed, mouth slightly agape and black sludge oozing from the zig-zag pattern on his stomach. The sludge collected in a small pool on the stage, seemingly bubbling with life of its own.

"R...un..." Dedede forced out as his face twisted with pain. His eyes turned white and glowed with menace. The sludge multiplied and spread rapidly throughout the stage.

Kirby sped towards the corrupted King on his broomstick, distress radiating from him in all angles.

"WAIT! DON'T TOUCH THE SLUDGE!" Lucario screeched, "Get on high ground! Try opening the doors!"

When no one moved, Meta Knight exclaimed and took to the skies, "You heard him! Go!"

That seemed to spur the Smashers. Charizard flew up high, grabbing Ness and Lucas along with him. Villager hacked at the doors with his axe, but more sludge seeped through the gaps between the doors. He panicked and resorted to his balloons to get him to safety.

"Change of plan! DON'T open the doors! Get up to a higher area first!"

The black goo multiplied even more rapidly. Charizard swooped low, collecting some of the flightless fighters in his arms, namely Ryu and Shulk, Ness and Lucas perched on his back. Pit and Dark Pit carried Pikachu and Toon Link, Dark Pit slightly struggling with the heavier child. Olimar and his pikmin lifted Mario and Luigi up, Rosalina and her little pet star hovered up into the air and both Corrins transformed into dragons and helped their Fire Emblem friends out.

Meanwhile, Kirby was circling Dedede on his broomstick. He was trying to save him without getting hit by the sludge, which wasn't an easy feat, considering the King's incessant thrashing.

How _exactly_ was Kirby going to rescue the penguin?

Well, he hadn't thought of it.

The now possessed Dedede was watching him with intent glowing eyes, predicting his every move. The puffball was growing careless, letting himself get nearer and nearer. Bayonetta noticed this, too. She summoned her butterfly wings and leapt towards the puffball. A second before the King lunged, Bayonetta triggered witch time.

Everything slowed down, capturing the heat of the moment perfectly. Dedede's grin of satisfaction at thinking he had finally captured the pesky little witch, Kirby's determined expression, without a shred of doubt in his mind, only the pure desire to get his friend back, and the specks of sludge threatening to come in contact with the puffball, engulfing him in darkness. Bayonetta caught the little witch in her arms and clutched him safely before landing rather awkwardly on her back, where she rolled and got up swiftly. She leaped back to safety, avoiding the black goo which had almost surrounded the group of Smashers who weren't able to get airborne.

Time returned to normal, and the chaos resumed.

"Bayonetta!" Meta Knight called, "summon your demon! Have the Smashers stand on its head!"

Bayonetta shot him a skeptical look. She didn't like taking orders from anyone, especially a ridiculous one like this, but there wasn't much of a choice right now.

"Hold this," the witch passed Kirby to Meta Knight, "and this." She added while placing her police cap on Kirby's witch hat.

Bayonetta never thought an infernal demon would ever help ordinary humans, let alone let a group of them stay on its head. Well, there was only one way to find out. Bayonetta waved her arms in the familiar summon she had performed countless times. She spun around, threw her arms behind her head and yelled, "AVAVAGO!"

Raven black hair swirled up towards the ceiling, forming a demonic portal that crackled with magic. Gomorrah's gigantic head emerged from the mass of hair, eyes gleaming hungrily.

"Listen up, big boy. You're not here to feast. Let these mortals stay on your head for a while." The dinosaur-like demon growled. "I'll make it up to you somehow, alright?" Bayonetta scoffed.

"Get on!" Meta Knight ordered and dropped the puffball off on one of Gomorrah's horns. The fighters jumped onto the growling demon. Fighters like Little Mac needed assistance so Bayonetta grabbed the boxer by the back of his shirt and tossed him onto the demon with casual disregard to his reaction. The heavy-weights like Donkey Kong and Bowser landed on Gomorrah with heavy thuds, making the Infernal growl even louder. Mewtwo, Samus and the Wii Fits landed much more gracefully, but it did absolutely nothing to appease the demon.

"Are you sure it's safe?" Captain Falcon asked with unease.

"Perhaps." Bayonetta answered simply. "Now get up there before I kick you."

Falcon didn't need to be told twice. He launched himself onto Gomorrah, alongside the other Smashers. Lucario was one of the last fighters to arrive, right before the entire floor was concealed with bubbling black sludge. Now that the ground was covered, the goo began creeping up the walls.

"Fire energy projectiles! It'll just consume physical ones!" Lucario took the lead again. The Smashers obeyed, and projectiles began flying towards the sludge, slowing down its advancement and producing hissing sounds in the process.

Bayonetta's bullets were physical projectiles, even if they were charged up with magic. But still, what would mere bullets do to neutralise the onslaught of slime? Instead, she looked for Kirby, who was sitting on Gomorrah's horn, his face unusually blank.

Bayonetta approached the puffball, worry starting to creep into her mind. "Little one?"

For a moment, Lucario's eyes flashed yellow. His vision was filled with a maelstrom of aura. The demon they were standing on had yellow aura, the Smashers' blue. However, there was something on the demon that contrasted the bright yellow.

 _ **Red.**_

And if Lucario ever learned anything from Subspace Emissary, it was that red meant _bad_.

He quickly charged up an aura sphere and fired it at the target.

Straight towards Kirby.

The puffball snapped out of his trance, but it was too late. The sphere rammed into him, sending him flying across the hall before plummeting down into the sludge below. Bayonetta watched in terror as the little one was pulled into the darkness as he flailed, utterly helpless.

At that point, the only thing Lucario wanted to do was _run_. As long as he escaped and was miles away from the Umbra Witch, he didn't care where he ended up. He was petrified, and the only thing he could do was brace himself in trepidation. But there was no mistaking it. Kirby's aura _was_ red.

He could never make a careless mistake when it came to aura. It was his speciality, he was the _Aura Pokemon_ , for crying out loud.

Bayonetta cast a menacing glare that made Lucario's fur stand on end. Her breathing had quickened, which was never a good sign. Before he had a chance to comprehend what happened next, he was pinned to the ceiling, a gun pressed forcefully against his neck. Bayonetta's stormy grey eyes flared with rage and bore into his soul.

" **You _idiot_.** " she snarled, her voice thick with pure scorn.

If Lucario was scared before, that was _nothing_ compared to this. He trembled in pure fear and pulled away from her gaze. _Bad move_. Bayonetta pressed the barrel of the gun even harder into his neck, making him gag.

Below them, Gomorrah howled in laughter, and was shut up promptly with a stomp of a heel. Her force on his neck subsided a little, and Lucario seized the opportunity to speak. He wanted to justify himself, he really did. Instead, he said something he never thought he would say. A statement that would sabotage his dignity.

"P-p-please... D-don't kill me..." Lucario managed to force out. His voice was pitiful, a wreck, devoid of the leadership and confidence he had displayed earlier.

Bayonetta's eyes widened, and the fury evaporated from her eyes in an instant. She gasped and let go of the Pokemon as he crumpled to the ground, still shuddering. Suddenly, he looked very small. Bayonetta knew that she intimidated people. Hell, she provoked people just for the fun of it. She stared at the miserable lump of blue, trying to stop her hands from shaking.

 _...Did she really do that?_

Did she just strip all living confidence from this once self-composed spirit, turning him into a pathetic bag of nerves? Bayonetta always wanted to get a rise or reaction from everyone she met, but this was taking it too far. Did she really allow her anger to get the best of her?

Well, there was that one time, but now, Rodin wasn't here to stop her.

"I... I'm sorry... I-I didn't... I couldn't-" she broke off with a wince of pain. A horrible throbbing started pounding in her head. She staggered and fell to one knee, clutching the side of her head in an attempt to soothe the pain. At that point, Bayonetta's surroundings became a jumble of noise and unintelligible shapes. The only thing she could understand was a voice in her head. _No_ , she wasn't going mental. Someone was speaking to the Smashers via telepathy.

 _"Master Hand here. The source of the Dark Matter has been destroyed, so it should stop spreading. Still, don't try to touch the sludge. Just clean up the mess in the hall and make sure none of it survives."_

The pain ebbed away after what seemed like an hour of speaking. Bayonetta's vision returned to normal, and she got up slowly. Lucario had fled, leaving the other Smashers on top of Gomorrah, who was getting restless after staying put for so long. The sludge had withered, and the Smashers were able to land safely on the ground near the walls and neutralize the sludge from there.

"Get off. Now." Bayonetta commanded, her voice hoarse. She didn't care. Too many thoughts were racing through her mind to care.

The Smashers were alarmed, but wasted no time getting down onto the floor.

"Go back to your hell-hole," Bayonetta dead-panned at the Infernal. It snorted, and vanished through the portal.

In the corner of her eye, Bayonetta noticed a glimpse of pink, laying motionless on the ground. Without a moment's haste, she dashed towards the puffball and grabbed him in her arms.

"Little one?" she shook the puffball violently, "Kirby? No, no, don't you _dare_ die on me!" Her voice became increasingly shrill.

 _No response._

Bayonetta muttered an incoherent curse under her breath. Just then, Meta Knight skidded over towards them.

"Quick, bring him to Master Hand. Follow me."

He dashed out the doors, unsheathed his wings and glided through the corridors. Behind him, Bayonetta closely followed, the puffball cradled safely in her arms. Meta Knight glanced back to ensure she wasn't lagging behind. Sure enough, she wasn't, but her glasses reflected light, hiding her expression from him. Though, he knew what was really going through her mind. He felt a twinge of commiseration for the witch, but mentally kicked himself afterwards. Meta Knight knew Bayonetta didn't want his pity. He shook his head subtly, what was he thinking? Now wasn't the time. Kirby was in grave danger.

* * *

 **IT'Z THE START OF LORE!1!1 LOOAAR!11**

 **Eh, not really. But, maybe.**

 **Author noots.**

-Yeah, yeah, I know, plot-holes everywhere. Kirby couldn't have been hit by the sludge, even if he did, the sludge would have consumed him already, the hall's supposed to be dark, blah blah blah and screw Halloween actually being scary. But apart from the plot-holes, I'm pretty happy with how this turned out. I'll get to the sweet stuff later on, I promise.

-Dedede's been possessed a couple of times before, so he recovers from it pretty quickly. Kirby? ...Not so much.

-Memes. I don't know how the internet comes up with this kinda stuff, but I do know that Meta Knight is about to be deported now that Trump is president.

-Dr. Mario doesn't have Mario's accent because he's much more different than Mario, (in terms of personality) and wants to make that clear to everyone. He ain't no regular Mario clone, yo.

-Gomorrah's head is massive, I know. The main hall is a main hall for a reason, heh. I figured he should have his own personality, just to spice things up a bit. Grumpy, hungry and bothersome does sound like Gomorrah.

-Bayonetta did get really pissed off twice in Bayo 2, but I guess I'm still living in the era of the first game. But she did get pretty angry in that one scene with Jeanne, so... Huh. Anyway, Bayonetta gets protective of her so-called "little ones", and shown in the first game that she doesn't hesitate to hurt the person responsible for their harm. Bayo can get really scary, my dudes.  
(Also, don't complain about spoilers. Damn people on the internet...)

-Lucario's purpose was solely for recognizing the bad aura of the sludge and then leading the Smashers to safety, but I got so many ideas and then one thing led to another... P.S., I'm not a furry.

Thanks for reading and be sure to stay tuned for the next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4: Trophy Room and Starry Night

Bayonetta buried her hands in her hair in frustration. Her mind was a clusterf- _fustercluck_ of thoughts and emotions, and she utterly _hated it_. The constant beeping of the heart monitor didn't help, either.

 ** _Beep_**

 _Was Lucario alright?_

 ** _Beep_**

 _How could she let her anger take control like that?_

 ** _Beep_**

 _Why didn't she save Kirby?_

 ** _Be-_**

She slammed a fist into the machine, sending it reeling across the room and crashing against the wall. Sparks flew from it momentarily, and eventually fizzed out.

 _What if Kirby was...?_

Bayonetta stopped herself from continuing the question.

This was what she was afraid of. It was the reason why she wouldn't- No, _couldn't_ let herself get close to a mortal. She couldn't handle the heartbreak and loneliness that would've been ruthlessly thrust against her. Kirby had his whole life ahead of him. He didn't deserve to die.

. . .

...No. Kirby was a child, but he definitely wasn't a weak one. If Dedede survived, why couldn't Kirby? They were healed using the same medium, after all. Surely it wasn't too long before Kirby woke up? But still, glancing at the puffball unsettled a flicker of doubt in her mind.

"Bayonetta."

Bayonetta looked up to see Meta Knight standing in the doorway, his cape wrapped around him. The action was probably the only thing she wanted to do to acknowledge him.

"Master Hand would like to see you."

"For what?" She replied flatly.

"I am not certain, but he will meet you in his office, yes?" Meta Knight kept his voice monotone.

Bayonetta let out an exaggerated sigh and got up grudgingly. She wanted to stay with the little one, but at the same time, she wanted to get out of the room. The atmosphere in there was intoxicating, not because of the weird hospital smell, but because it reeked of despair. As she left the room, she heard footsteps following her, presumably Meta Knight's.

Without turning around, Bayonetta snapped icily, "I don't need an escort."

The footsteps stopped, and Meta Knight disappeared. Bayonetta felt a twinge of regret, but folded her arms and walked to Master Hand's office in silence.

* * *

Sure enough, Master Hand was in his office sorting papers like he always did. He didn't seem to notice Bayonetta at the door, partly because there was a barricade of stacked paper on his desk. She rolled her eyes and sneaked up to the table. She rammed her hands against the wall of paper, scattering them throughout the office and making Master Hand recoil in alarm.

Hey, it wasn't her fault that she felt so destructive today.

"Let's get this over with." She hissed.

"Oh, uh, right." Master Hand stammered and floated to the back of the room.

He pressed a finger onto a hidden button on the wall, revealing a flight of stairs leading to a vault door. Master Hand gestured for her to follow him, so she did. There was a large scanner-looking thing beside the door, which Bayonetta assumed was for unlocking the vault.

Lasers flared from Master Hand's fingertips, onto the scanner. Surprisingly, it didn't shatter, but instead, the screen turned green in response to the them, unlocking the vault door. Master Hand pulled it open and they entered the room, which was much larger than what Bayonetta expected.

"This, is the trophy room." Master Hand said as he closed the vault door behind him.

A vast array of life-sized trophies of all the Smashers were laid out in front of them. They were surprisingly accurate, Bayonetta could tell from their texture from where they stood. They seemed to be mapped out specifically...

Bayonetta connected the dots with growing discomfort. Master Hand was an actual, floating and animate _hand_ , and in front of them were _trophies_ of the Smashers. There was some weird-ass puppetry shit going on here, and she didn't like it. She should've _known_ something was up! A random hand just swooping in and bringing you somewhere else was incredibly unsettling (Not to mention unbelievable). How could she just let it slip by so casually?

"This is where I find out whether the Smashers are alright in the Smash Universe. Whether it be their health, emotions, friendships or even hatred towards each other. Whenever something notable occurs to a Smasher, energy will surround their trophy, depending on the emotions they're feeling. The trophies will shift on their own whenever bonds are created, or lost. If one feels sorrow, their trophy will become darker. If one feels positive, an electric field will surround their trophy. The stronger their emotions, the more intense the electricity will be. Of course, your life source doesn't depend on these trophies, so if Crazy decides to screw things up in this room, you won't be affected." Master Hand explained. "Also, don't worry about touching the electricity. It's just an indicator, so it's harmless."

Oh.

Master Hand hovered towards Ness, Lucas, Toon Link and Villager trophies. They were closely grouped together, with a green electric field surrounding them.

"As you can see here, these children are close friends, and generally happy, too. Then again, they _are_ children. Nothing ever gets them down."

Master Hand then pointed to the edge of the room, where a Ganondorf trophy stood boldly by itself. A Bowser trophy was nearby, but not as close as the children.

"Ganondorf, on the other hand, isn't particularly close with anyone except for Bowser, but is still in perfect condition. Well, aside from his... villainous desires."

Normally, Bayonetta wouldn't have much of a care for long speeches, but this was interesting.

Then, Master Hand hovered towards Kirby's trophy. He was grouped closely with King Dedede, Meta Knight and of course, Bayonetta. The three trophies were duller than the rest, Bayonetta's trophy being the dullest. Dark orbs circulated around Kirby, which Bayonetta guessed was the illness he was inflicted by. There was also faint green energy radiating from the little one, seemingly trying to overrun the dark. An electric net, coloured a brilliant shade of blue, connected the puffball with the witch. The electricity pulsed fiercely, fiercer than any other nets Bayonetta had seen in the room. She couldn't help but place a yearning hand on the puffball.

"Of all my years in the Smash Universe, I've never seen a bond as strong as yours with Kirby."

Bayonetta's heart lurched.

"I know things are looking grim for Kirby, but I want you to know this. With a bond as strong as yours, he _will_ pull through. I'm sure of it. A bond as strong as this..." Master Hand paused (for dramatic effect) and turned to the blue net of electricity, "...is definitely worth living for. "

Bayonetta stared at their trophies and went silent for a solid moment, her expression unreadable. And when she spoke, her words were genuine.

"Thank you, Master Hand. ...I needed some enlightenment."

Master Hand did a gesture which was equivalent to saying, "You're welcome."

Bayonetta hesitated for a while before asking, "Before I leave, I want to know whether Lucario's alright. I feel terribly guilty."

Master Hand pointed to the trophy of the Pokemon, "Go ahead."

Bayonetta walked over to the trophy, which wasn't radiating anything. It looked completely normal. She reached a hand out towards the trophy, and it started trembling. She pulled her hand away, and the shaking stopped. Fascinating.

"Looks like I owe him a proper apology." Bayonetta thought to herself, already devising a plan in her head.

As she turned around to leave, she shot a remark at the floating hand, her usual sass already returning, "Oh, by the way. You need to work on your telepathy. It hurt like absolute _hell_."

Master Hand let out a sigh, "I know..."

He decided not to tell her that his telepathy worked completely fine on Smashers with much more... _healthier_ states of mind. Crazy's, on the other hand...

While Bayonetta exited the room, heels clacking against the floor steadily, Master Hand watched her trophy regain it's colour. If he could smile, well...

Now was the perfect time to.

* * *

By the time Bayonetta returned to the infirmary, it was already night. How long had she been brooding for? She didn't want to answer that question. A new heart monitor had been placed there, making her groan inwardly. She passed by the puffball, who still hadn't moved at all. She couldn't help but feel a pang of distress. She tried to ignore it. After all, she trusted every word Master Hand had said.

"Alright, little one. Don't keep me waiting."

* * *

Kirby stirred and opened his eyes groggily with a soft (and adorable) groan. Where was he? The last thing he remembered was a bunch of black goo swallowing him up while he thrashed about helplessly... He shuddered at the dreadful memory. He blinked a few times and glanced around the room. This wasn't his dorm. The walls were a boring old white and a heart monitor beeped noisily beside the bed, along with other weird equipment. Worst of all, he was _starving_. Bayonetta was there, too, sleeping soundly on a single couch. For the first time in a long while, she looked peaceful. As much as she made his heart flutter, Kirby decided to let her rest. He looked out of the window and his eyes gleamed in delight, completely forgetting about his empty stomach. Pushing the covers away from him, he skedaddled out of the infirmary.

Kirby dashed out of the Mansion through the back, where seemingly endless hills of grass spread out as far as the eye could see. He sped towards the tallest hill and planted himself on its highest point. Kirby's eyes sparkled with the reflection of the countless stars in the sky. He stared at the glowing specks, his mouth agape in wonder. He was too engrossed in the scenery to notice the footsteps heading towards him.

"The stars are beautiful tonight, little one."

Kirby snapped to attention and swung his head around, facing the tall figure in the night.

"Bayo!" Kirby exclaimed and leaped into Bayonetta's open arms, where he almost got severely squished as she hugged him tightly.

"Don't you ever make me worry like that anymore," she cooed, her tone heavy with relief.

Kirby seemed to understand her concern. He tapped her shoulder comfortingly, making Bayonetta let out an affectionate chuckle. Suddenly, Kirby wriggled out of her arms and averted his stare towards something in the far right. Bayonetta followed his gaze and sat down beside him. The puffball pointed at a star significantly larger than the others. It was a five-pointed one, an unnatural shape if you consider what actual stars are like. It was shining ever so brightly, outshining the other countless specks in the sky.

"Pop... star." Kirby breathed. His voice was precious. Too precious, perhaps, because Bayonetta could've swooned right there and then.

"Popstar?" Bayonetta repeated curiously.

Kirby nodded eagerly.

Bayonetta glanced at the larger star in the sky. "Is it a planet?"

Kirby nodded again, this time more vigorously. His awestruck expression never seemed to falter.

If Bayonetta didn't know any better, she would have assumed that the puffball was just _really_ fond of stars. But she knew that Kirby had strong connections with them. She remembered something Meta Knight told her about his 'heroic heart', as daft as Bayonetta thought the name was. His heart was an actual five-pointed star. It wasn't farfetched to assume he lived on one as well.

"Let me guess. That's your home?"

"Poyo poyo!" Kirby chirped happily. Bayonetta took it as a yes. He twirled around and pointed heroically at the planet, his face of sheer pride was priceless.

Bayonetta tipped her head to the side and observed the little one with evident affection.

"Come here, you." she cooed fondly as she dragged the puffball onto her lap. Kirby was a comfortable weight on her legs, radiating warmth in the cold night air. She didn't know how a seemingly empty pink sphere was able to weigh anything, let alone provide warmth, but _damn_ , was it _pleasant_.

The two watched the stars in comfortable silence, relishing the cool night winds blowing over them.

Bayonetta realised something about the warmth he radiated, "...You're not still sick, are you?" she asked anxiously.

Kirby shook his head.

"Splendid." was her simple reply. Bayonetta lowered herself onto the grass and rested her arms behind her head. Kirby waddled over and snuggled up to her side, begging her to wrap an arm around him.

Bayonetta's lips curled into a sly smile as a cheeky thought slipped into her mind. She slid an arm around the little one and stroked his head, making him purr in delight. The purrs soon turned into uncontrollable laughter as Bayonetta unleashed a flurry of fingers onto his soft little body.

"Po- Poyo- Ahahaha!" Kirby protested, or rather, he tried to protest.

Bayonetta stopped for a while, laughing light heartedly. Kirby stumbled out of her reach and flopped onto the grass.

"Aw, don't be like that, little one. I was just having fun _._ You did plan on having _fun_ with me, _right_?" She stretched the word 'right' like a rubber band, her _delicious_ English accent oozing from every syllable.

Kirby's eyes widened and he shook his head madly.

"Ooh... Was that _refusal_ I saw?" Bayonetta asked rhetorically, a wicked grin plastered on her face.

She pulled a lollipop out from her summon void and waved it teasingly at the puffball. His eyes sparkled and he dashed towards the treat.

"You're making it easy, little one," she thought with a smirk and popped the piece of candy into her mouth. She grabbed Kirby right before he had time to turn tail and tormented the puffball once more. His wild laughter filled the night.

"You'll have to stop being so cute if you want me to stop,"

Kirby didn't seem to hear her over his laughing, but even if he did, he couldn't have done anything to stop those infuriatingly dexterous fingers of hers.

Bayonetta might have gotten carried away with the tickling just a _tad_ too much, because Kirby actually managed to escape by curling into a ball and rolling down the slope.

"Oh shit."

The puffball tumbled down the hill, rustling the grass which grew taller at the bottom of the hill for some reason. Bayonetta summoned Madama Butterfly, and her arm reached out from a demonic portal, grabbing the little one in her palm.

If Gomorrah was annoying, then Madama Butterfly was a pleasure to be around with.

Kirby stayed in his ball form, not that he wasn't already a ball to begin with. The demoness flung Kirby towards Bayonetta, a little too forcefully, though. Then again, she _was_ an infernal demon. The puffball let out a yelp as he flew through the air, landing, once again, in Bayonetta's arms. He flailed around feebly in an attempt to prevent any more laughter escaping from his mouth.

Bayonetta laughed, "Alright, alright, I'll stop now."

She pulled out another lollipop from out of nowhere, and stuck it into his mouth. It seemed to calm him down enough.

Madama Butterfly hadn't returned to Inferno, instead looming her upper body out of the portal, _"Precious one, isn't he?"_

"Very." Bayonetta purred.

Kirby faced towards the demoness and waved innocently, the lollipop stick poking out from his mouth. Bayonetta cast the Infernal a smirk that was the perfect embodiment of the phrase, "I told you so".

Madama Butterfly's gaze softened, _"You certainly don't see this in Inferno. I could do with more cuteness down there."_

"Knowing you demons, anything 'cute' would turn out to be a manipulative soul stealer."

 _"True."_ And with that, the demoness disappeared into the portal, leaving the duo to themselves, illuminated by the stars in the sky.

"So, little one. What's next?" Bayonetta glanced at the puffball, who yawned adorably. Frankly, she wasn't surprised. All the tickling had definitely tuckered him out. She smiled, plucked the lollipop stick out of his gaping mouth and tossed it behind her nonchalantly.

"To Dreamland it is, then."

She sat down on the grass, cradling the little one in her arms.

Bayonetta didn't sing often, but she made an exception tonight.

* * *

 **Aaand cue Fly Me To The Moon!**

 **Anyway, author notes.**

-For the record, I imagined the heart monitor as Karen from Spongebob, so you might wanna reread that part if you thought of an actual heart monitor.

-It's kind of a stereotype that Master Hand gets stuck with the paperwork while Crazy is probably out frolicking in the fields somewhere, so that's what I went with. Of course, I don't really know what he's doing with all the paper...

-The trophy room was just a random concept I came up with one day. The reason for all the security measures for the room? Master Hand didn't want anyone (specifically the troublemakers) to snoop around and possibly cause a rift between the Smashers by invading their privacy. Yeah, Bayonetta is pretty sly, but with everything going on, sabotaging others was the last thing on her mind.

-It's also incredibly tempting to end the chapter at "Oh shit."

More King of Dreamland in the next chapter. It'll be Dededelightful!


End file.
